Keith posted a condolence
Sunday, May 17, 2020
Tribute to My Dad
It has now been several weeks since my Dad passed. It still stings and hurts like crazy but as times passes, I hope all these feelings associated with losing a dearly loved one fades. I feel the thing that bothered us the most was that we were not allowed to say our goodbyes and I love yous to him while he was still with us. Additionally, many relatives and friends were not able to pay their respects to Dad and our family. Of course, we understand the most of us have never been through these unprecedented times due to the COVID-19 virus. It has robbed us of our “normal” way of life and deprived us of the usual funeral/ceremony (amongst many other things) where we could have paid proper respects to this wonderful man that God created for us to love, embrace, and fortunate to have had him in our lives.
The funeral home had rules and restrictions due to the virus which we had to abide by. We could have only 10 people at a time were allowed in the funeral home. That pretty much covered our immediate family. Additionally, many of our relatives and friends are elderly and due to the government’s warnings regarding increased susceptibility to the virus, they were unable to attend. Dad’s brother and two sisters from Wisconsin, as well as the rest of my family from Texas, were not able to attend due to these restrictions.
I doubt too many people know this, but the facility Dad was at (Symphony in Buffalo Grove) instituted a quarantine ordered by the CDC due to the COVID-19 virus on March 7. Both Mom and Linda would visit Dad almost daily before this happened. On April 15th or 16th, a DR called Linda informing her that Dad was having issues swallowing. His food and liquid intake was only about 20-30%. He suggested that hospice be called in at this time which they did. On Saturday morning, April 18th, Mom and Linda could see him for 15 minutes only. Most likely, they were only allowed to see him because hospice had been called in. When Mom and Linda had last seen him, 6 weeks prior, he weighed 198lbs. When they saw him on the morning of April 18th, he weighed 166lbs.
Linda added some more about their last visit with Dad:
Symphony told us we can be there 15 mins but we stayed longer. In that time we looked at his pictures and told him they all want to come but only allowed us two. I told him why we weren't able to come and he said oh. Mom sat on his bed and she struggled to watch him eat his lunch. Painful. He wanted her to eat some. He made me laugh and cry. I believe a piece of us went with him to heaven. He loved God and he is at home in heaven. He isn't sick in bed any more. He is an angel looking out for us.
We knew this wasn’t good, but the DR told us he still had a few weeks left in him. I believe he had been fighting dementia now for close to 3 years. It makes me wonder if Mom and Linda had been allowed to see him again, as they did prior to the quarantine, that he may have been around a little longer. He battled this disease long and hard but just couldn’t fight it any longer and he passed away in his sleep during the early morning of April 22, 2020.
Through the use of technology and the resourcefulness of Linda’s son Brian, he was able to livestream the small procession from the funeral home past Mom and Dad’s house and the ceremony at the cemetery. This allowed many people that could not attend the ability to be there virtually via Facebook. I’m not sure who was able to see the stream but for those that did, I just wanted to say thank you!
There were many folks that stood outside as the cars in the procession turned down Linda Terrace. There were many neighbors and friends who lined the street, driveways and sidewalks to pay their respects and honor Dad. I cannot name everyone that was there but just wanted to extend a heartfelt thanks to the Wennerstroms, Gary, Curt & Karin, the Rymers, Pat & Steve, Joe Stumpfoll, Jay Slazak and Skip Tubbs.
I also want to especially thank our cousin and his wife, Bob & Grace Eidsvoog, sister-in-law, Katie, cousins Phyllis and Carol and Aunt Mary Lou for coming to the funeral home and cemetery. Again, if I missed anyone I sincerely apologize. Please know that our family extends our sincerest gratitude for taking the time from your busy schedules and families to honor and pay respects to our Dad.
We were incredibly lucky and blessed to have Dad with us for almost 93 years (he would have been 93 on June 13th). He was a wonderful man, husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, son, brother, uncle, in-law, cousin and friend. He was always willing to help, and I never heard anyone say a bad word about him. Nor did I ever hear him say a bad word about anyone else. He rarely got mad at us except when we were kids (and some of us as adults) and did something stupid or tried to lie to him.
He instilled in us when doing something, you did it right the first time so you wouldn’t have to do it again. Also, to do it with the best of your ability. If you failed, learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them. Listen more than you speak and always respect your elders. To this day, I still refer to any of the neighbors or friends of Mom and Dad’s as MR and MRS. He taught us many other things that we carry with us today. As we got older, he didn’t offer a lot of advice and I often wondered why. Now, that I think about, he probably just wanted us to learn on our own.
Dad had a few questions he used to ask us when we were kids just to joke around. One was, “Guess What?” We’d answer with, “I don’t know, what?” He’d reply, “That’s what!” We’d always wonder why he did that but now I know it was just an icebreaker to get out attention and start a conversation with him. Another one was, "Do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb?" Rhubarb? As kids we had no idea what it was nor did we care. I think we finally learned an answer of “only if it rains hard enough!” I just googled it and I finally learned the answer Dad was looking for:
We figured it would take an outright flood to do any harm to rhubarb. I didn't know, then, the joke answer, "Not if it's in cans." I just found out it was a line in the Gene Kelly / Judy Garland movie "Summer Stock".
In 2018, I was in Wheeling to help when we first had to put Dad in an assisted living place. During this time, Wheeling High School was holding an alumni reunion. I went up there to meet with a few friends from my class and ran into a guy from Rick’s class. He had been on Rick’s Little League team and Dad was the coach. He told me that Dad was the best little league coach he ever had and will always remember him for that. He said that most coaches would just yell at you when you made a mistake. He said Dad wasn’t like that at all. He would take you aside and explain what you did wrong and show or suggest trying to do it this way. As he told me this, it was bringing tears to my eyes to know that Dad had left a lasting impression on him. Also, he told me that was the way he coached kids when he was involved in with little leaguers. I’m sure there are many more stories like this from others. So, if you feel like sharing any you may have please do so. Please post them here in the comments. Our family would love to hear them!!!
We have had our grandson Liam here at our house during the week. His parents are both working (thank goodness) so we have him for his virtual schooling. Robin does most of it and I am not going to lie, it’s a challenge! We love him to death but getting through this is trying her patience and she has more than most. He’s 7 and his attention span is like a dog’s when a squirrel passes by…SQUIRREL!!!! And there he goes!!! One day, I’m sitting in the living room watching TV and thinking about Dad when Liam calls me, “Grandpa?” I don’t recall what he wanted but all I could think was how sweet it was to hear that from him. Then it dawned on me that Dad was called that too and a deep sorrow feeling came over me that my kids, nieces and nephews will never get the chance again to say that to him in person. Time-out…I need a Kleenex.
I’m sorry this is so long but I’m one that can express my feelings better by writing than speaking them. At the cemetery, during the ceremony the pastor asked if anyone wanted to say a few words about Dad. I was caught off guard by this and being the oldest in the family I felt I should have said something. I’m not a spontaneous person or a good public speaker or one that can speak sensibly without preparation. I would have been a blabbering idiot, and no one could have understood me if I did get up and speak. So, I am doing my speaking now.
In closing, I hope I haven’t bored everyone to sleep but I needed to pay tribute to my Dad and this was the best way I knew how to do so. If y’all got this far, thank you! And, please if you have a story or memory of Dad please share it as we would love to hear it. We hope to have a “Celebration of Life” for Dad sometime in the future. This will all depend on what happens down the road and with this annoying virus and imposed restrictions.
Dad, I’m so sorry we didn’t get the chance to see, talk, hug, kiss you and say our good-byes before God called you away. Just know we love you with all our hearts and thank you for the impact not only on our lives but everyone else’s you touched in your own humble, kind and special way.
With our everlasting and eternal love,
Your Loving Family
